Let me just start by saying that I’ve never actually cooked a turkey. I’ve roasted chickens before, but nothing as big as a Thanksgiving turkey. So you would think that I’d listen to my folks, who have years of turkey cooking under their belts, regarding how long our 13-pound free range bird would take. You would think that I’d trust the calculator, dividing pounds by minutes instead of the mathematically deficient brain that struggles to compute the correct tip for the pizza guy. You’d think.